Like any challenging journey, the road to surrogacy can be a long one with twists and turns along the way. Here are five important things to do that will go a long way to making your journey a smooth one.
- Choose a surrogacy agency: One of the first things you need to do is settle on your surrogacy agency. Find the team that you feel positive about, the team that seems caring and professional. Interview the lawyer and case manager of the agency so you know who you will be dealing with. Realize there will be a waiting time to get your surrogate and try to accept this as it will help the time to go by in a more positive way. The reason this item is number one on the list is precisely because there is a waiting time to obtain your surrogate. You can always select a medical clinic, make your embryos and freeze them. So you can choose your medical clinic at around the same time you choose your agency.
- Choose a medical clinic for IVF: Find the doctor and medical team that inspire confidence. You are going to have a lot of questions and you need to know you will have a doctor who will be available to explain things and help you understand the medical issues and questions that will come up during the surrogacy. You especially want a doctor and team who will communicate to you about the surrogate as that is where you need to have a lot of trust and confidence.
- Speak to a lawyer in the state where your surrogate lives: Once your agency finds you a gestational surrogate, and you are satisfied with your surrogate and headed down the contract path, ask your agency to refer you to a lawyer in the state where your surrogate lives. The agency may automatically do this, but if they do not, take it upon yourself to ask for a referral. Then call the lawyer in your surrogate's state and where she will give birth so that you can get advice on the process to obtain your pre-birth order of legal parentage.
- Follow-up on your order for legal parentage (Pre-Birth Order or PBO) during the second trimester of the pregnancy: Any good agency will be making sure this gets done, but this is one piece you do not want to leave to chance or blind faith. Contact your agency and make sure that they are making sure a PBO is getting done. This will give you peace of mind and you will be assured that at the birth, you will be recognized as the legal parents.
- Stay focused, patient and positive: This is the hard part. First of all, be patient as your agency is looking for your gestational carrier. This is a process you do not want to rush. You want the agency to find you someone who is stable and sound and who wants to be a surrogate. She has to be healthy and committed. She also has to live in a surrogacy-friendly state. Don't get frustrated or let the process get you down. Believe that you will have a baby and roll with the punches. There will be ups and downs, but if you stay the course, you will achieve your dream of having a child.
